Sometimes, despite our best efforts,
the message we most want our customers to hear gets lost in a sea of
superlatives. The marketer within us takes over and – before we know it –
the core focus of the Web page, brochure or flyer becomes blurred. Let me
assure you of one thing… if your prospects can’t determine – with crystal
clarity – what you do and how it will benefit them, all your copywriting
efforts will be in vain.
Provider Watch suffered from a bit of
this problem. When I read their original home page copy I was confused
about what they offered. While all the information seemed to be within
the copy, I didn’t get it. That’s what happens all too often when we write
our own copy: *we* understand what we mean, but that clarity isn’t passed on to
our readers.
The owner of Provider Watch knew she
had a great product. She also knew it should be very popular with daycare
providers. What the owner didn’t understand was why her copy wasn’t
triggering the reaction she was hoping for.
The Problems
There was no single, major problem with
the Provider Watch home page. Instead, there were several little
problems; the sum of which was costing Provider Watch conversions.
First the copy certainly did strike an
emotional chord by relating to the site visitors on their level. What
happened, however, was a delay in moving from an emotional tug at the heart to
delivery of the message. As the visitors read on, they felt connected to
*what* was being said, but they weren’t clear about *why* it was being said.
The second thing that struck me when I
read the home page copy of this site was the “No Regrets” system. There
were a few things I was unclear about. At some points there was mention
of signing up for a free membership. At other points, a mention of how
little it cost per month was made.
There was also reference to a credit
reporting system, but I was confused as to whether the daycare provider
reported *to* the system or received reports *from* the system. I saw
information about collection help along with statements that Provider Watch was
not a collection agency.
And third, search engine optimization
also came into play with this site. The original home page had an odd choice
of keywords. To make it successful, we’d have to come up with new phrases
to help drive more targeted traffic to the site.
The Solutions
The solutions for this home page were
quite simple. Outline what Provider Watch did, then clearly provide that
information to the site visitors while keeping the emotional attraction.
I wanted the site visitors to know immediately what was being offered and
precisely how it would benefit them.
Because Provider Watch has such
terrific knowledge about their target audience, I was able to accurately
outline who I was talking with through the copy. Most of their daycare
providers were small, independent, work-from-home operations that didn’t have
any financial wiggle room. Every time a parent bounced a check or left without
giving the required notice, it hurt the provider badly. I wanted the
feeling that Provider Watch knew this, understood it and was offering help to
come through.
In addition, I needed to find a way to
offer proof that this was a viable service that filled a very real need.
Because the service was unusual, educating the site visitor would be as
important as selling to them.
The Rewrite
The original headline read:
“Warning! Deadbeat
daycare parents don’t want you to know about this website!”
“The Provider Watch
“No Regrets” Risk Management System contains over $615,654 in unpaid daycare
debt, and that number grows daily!”
“There are a growing
number of parents who simply steal childcare services by refusing to pay.”
I wanted to make that much clearer and
also plainly deliver a major benefit to daycare providers so I changed the
headline to:
Find Out If Parents
Are Bad Payment Risks
BEFORE You Accept Them As Customers
BEFORE You Accept Them As Customers
That spoke loudly to providers who had
been burned one time too many. It let them know immediately that this was
a site that offered help in the way of prevention.
I went one step further by constructing
a bullet list of what was included in both the free membership and the paid
membership. I also gave them a method for getting more information and
for signing up for whichever membership level met their needs.
The next challenge was to outline what
services were provided, then clearly point out the benefits of these services
to the site visitor. At the same time, I kept an eye open for opportunities to
include keyphrases within the natural flow of the copy.
Overall, the home page was made to be
much more simple, clear and concise with an unmistakable path that the site
visitor could follow from introduction to purchase. You can view the new copy
here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/providerwatch-after.pdf.
The Results
Did it work? Did it ever!
Provider Watch has seen a:
- 52% increase in unique visitors to the site
- 22% increase in overall sign-ups
- 86% increase in paid subscribers
- Steady increase in phone traffic
Another mystery solved!
Want to get more info about how
applying these and other copywriting strategies to your site for improved
rankings & sales? Karon has a free webinar that takes you behind the scenes
and shows you every step of the process in detail. View it here.
For more information www.smallbusiness-bigresults.com
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